Back to it.

Wow, I didn't realize that I started this in July and have not posted anything since the first. I guess time really has flown by.  As I said before, I am new to this and I am using it more for therapy.  I was just thinking,  I always have so much on my mind that I would like to just blurt out and maybe post on a social network, but then people judge you, or at least I think they do, which isn't fair.  I thought that's what a social network was for, sharing thoughts and whatnot. Oh well, that's why I have this!

It turns out that what my old doctors thought was wrong with me, is not the complete story.  They kept telling me all of my symptoms were anxiety. Granted, I do have that, but I know the difference and I know my body.  So I finally found a doctor that would actually listen to me.  She did some tests and come to find out I have a form of Lupus. It's called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. It is an auto-immune disease and it is a mixture of 3 different disease's.  I still don't know much about it.  I guess not many of my symptoms have anything to do with it.  SOOOO of course they start really thinking and come to find out, they think I also have Multiple Sclerosis.  Jeez- so much for anxiety!! Now I wish that's all it was!!

So now I am in the process of being tested for that, which is not fun!!  What I am happy about though, is that I pushed for myself. I had to be my own advocate for a while and find someone to listen to me, and I did.  It has been a long journey but I did it, and I continue to do it. What I did find out though, how horrible our health care system can be.  You would think that when you go to the same place with repeated problems that just keep getting worse, that they would actually do more to help you, instead of telling you it is all in your head and sending you home. I am also much more calm now,which is a nice change.

Nothing but blue sky's to come!!

A good day!

Good afternoon all!  It's a hot day in the Northeast(my least favorite) so therefore I am hibernating in my A.C all day!  This blogging thing is new to me but I find it quite therapeutic.  
If your any thing like me, everyday can be so different from one to the next.  You never know if it's going to be a bad day or a good day.  I find myself lately anticipating a bad day, which is such a waste of time.  I have fears about everything, mostly something life threatening or tragic happening on a daily basis.  I know,I know, no-one should go through life waking up thinking those things, it's just a very hard cycle to break once it has started.  

Friends and family try to be there for you but they don't really know what it's like to suffer from daily anxiety.  Yes, everyone experiences anxiety(especially here in the U.S.A.) but one person does not know what it's like for the next person.  I find myself very lonely at times.  Wanting someone to understand why I say or do the things I do but they won't/can't.  I have lost many friends due to this....

Bare with me until I get the hang of this blog.  Right now I am using more as a diary that I share with everyone!!

We'll see what tomorrow brings!  Keep smiling!